take me to the sky

4:25 AM i wanna escape from reality. but i think i already started so subconsciously...

perhaps that is why i fee-eeel no enthusiasm; only a hollow,distant,foreign,sick feeling when i pick up my ruan;dat is; after i forced myself to take it out my qin-tao and put it on my lap.
somehow, ruan-ing and CO becomes just something dat is compulsory; it no longer hold any meaning for me.

i know i shouldnt listen to Dingy but still her words really reduced my confidence to nth.and my family too, they dont want me to continue ruan-ing anyway.

without the support of my family, and combined with the mean words by Ding,i seriously feel like giving up.

i failed to grasp back the feeling i once had for ruan. i noe i am a total let-down, i noe i am a coward for not facing my fears; of not facing the cruel reality dat in the end i had to come to terms with. by doing this, i am letting down everyone in CO. im sorry; though i noe nth will change till i have the courage to tide all these over.

i just nid to pass my grade6...i jus want a merit...jus enough to continue ding's lessons.
im sorry ppl, i dun think i can do it...i noe i gonna sober up and start lian-ing, but i just cant bring myself to pick up my ruan.

i cant play well; no matter how hard i tried before. to my seniors who hold expectations of me,
im really sorry and to those encouraging me all the while; thanks but i nid to do tis alone.

i noe i shouldnt write stuff liddat; its jus nth compared to what de sec4s are going through.
and again, i feel guilty for that. recently i feel guilty for every single damn thing i do anyway; eat,slp late,use the com,escaping ruan. i feel im just ruining my life.

on top of all these, i still miss him. alittle. though i noe he wont come back. thanks anywae, for the short-lived happiness u brought me.

Labels: stop asking me for labels.